Becoming a Self-Management Expert: Elevating Your Career and Impact

Almost every week, a high-potential employee (HIPO) enters my office, laden with concerns about achieving their professional goals. These individuals are strategic, emotionally intelligent, high-performing, growth-oriented, and receptive to feedback.

In the early stages of my career, I often reacted with surprise to their worries, wondering, "What could these exceptionally talented individuals possibly need help with?"

But as soon as they voiced their coaching goals, it became clear: "Help me manage my manager because they clearly can't manage themselves."

These HIPOs have been rightly recognized by their organizations. They swiftly identify the critical role managers play in self-management expertise and the substantial costs incurred by companies when this expertise is lacking. For HIPOs to ascend the ranks within their organizations, they must be willing to unlearn dysfunctional behaviors they may have learned from their managers, scrutinize their current self-management techniques, and make self-management a consistent priority, both within and outside the office.

But what does self-management entail?

It's the ability to control our thoughts, regulate our emotions, and hold ourselves accountable for our actions. While some definitions include the importance of engaging in behaviors that best serve oneself, managers should aim to behave in ways that best serve their teams. However, this becomes a near-impossible task if a manager can't manage themselves first.

Consider this: If you don't comprehend what motivates your behavior, how it affects others, and you are unable to change your behavior, how could you possibly inspire someone else to become a better version of themselves?

Becoming an expert in self-management demands a commitment to exploring how your thoughts and feelings translate into behaviors and how these behaviors impact others. Self-management experts not only have insight into their values and behaviors but are continuously open to modifying their leadership approach, especially when it benefits those they are responsible for guiding.

Regrettably, I've encountered managers who prioritize developing insight but lack openness to interpersonal feedback. This often leads to an ineffective team because of a lack of trust in the manager. While delving into the "why" behind our behavior with a professional (such as a coach or therapist) can be intellectually satisfying, managers who primarily rely on insight to understand themselves can respond poorly when a direct report feels harmed or mismanaged.

Managers who prioritize self-management through the development of their social and emotional intelligence skills are usually aware of how they impact others. They excel at "reading the room" and know how to motivate their team. They discern when to lead and when to delegate. Due to their heightened awareness of their inner world, they often feel more in control when managing and responding to their external world.

Why?

Because they trust themselves, understand their team, and make decisive choices. They observe and take responsibility for their impact on others. They recognize that motivational techniques and communication styles need to be tailored to individuals, teams, and circumstances. They practice extreme ownership by exploring and acknowledging the personal emotional benefits tied to their behaviors.

This form of extreme ownership is an integral aspect of my coaching sessions with clients because it empowers them to behave in ways that align thoughtfully with their team's mission.

I also encourage managers to form a feedback counsel consisting of five individuals who challenge them to become more accountable, empathetic, and congruent.This practice serves multiple functions. Alongside the emotional benefits of receiving support, it actively fosters the development of essential social and emotional intelligence skills. Accepting feedback, embracing a growth mindset, and acknowledging the impact of behaviors are prerequisites for effectively utilizing the counsel.

This counsel helps self-management experts enhance their social awareness by recognizing that their behaviors can be interpreted in various ways. While it's unrealistic to expect a manager to shoulder all the responsibility for how people react to their decisions, their team benefits greatly from their willingness to be emotionally responsive.The advantages of having an emotionally responsive manager can be profound.

These individuals prioritize psychological safety and cultivate environments grounded in collaboration, inclusion, creativity, and mutual support. They are attuned to their own limitations and growth opportunities, seeing value in knowing how and when to delegate responsibilities. Above all, they don't shy away from conflict, viewing it as a gift for learning and growth.

Clearly, there are tremendous benefits to becoming an expert in self-management, and there's much more to explore on this subject in future posts. I hope this article motivates you to prioritize self-management.

While working with a professional and feedback counsel is highly beneficial, there are other paths to becoming a self-management expert. A mindfulness practice that includes journaling and meditation can significantly enhance self-awareness. Remember that cultivating mindfulness isn't about adopting a few habits but embracing it as a lifestyle choice, embodied through consistent, intentional actions.

To develop social intelligence skills, start by seeking feedback from individuals in your network. Ask them for specific examples of when they felt supported or motivated by you. Reflect on the values you expressed through your actions and consider how you can more fully integrate those values. Observe individuals in your network who motivate you. Assess whether their actions align with their expressed values or if they're purely performative.

Often, those who frequently extol their strengths or values are revealing their greatest weaknesses.

Self-management experts live their values, and the five people you spend the most time with can provide countless examples of observable behavior that validate this. If someone asked those five individuals what your values are, what would they say?By prioritizing self-management and striving to become an expert in this crucial skill, you can elevate not only your career but also your impact on those around you.